Each of our group meetings covers one of the 12 Units in the Faithful & True workbook. Part One (six units) shows how to develop healthy, Christ-honoring attitudes and behaviors about sexuality. Part Two (six units) deals with the more serious issues of compulsive and addictive sexual behaviors. At some of our meetings, we may be joined by a special speaker.

We ask members to covenant with us to make attendance at each group meeting a priority for the entire course. Members may repeat the course as often as they like.The material is covered in a way that new members can join the group at any time.

Faithful and True: Sexual Integrity In a Fallen World is a 12-unit LIFE Support course published by Lifeway Press designed for a combination of individual and small-group study. Workbooks are available at Lifeway Christian Bookstores.

About the Authors:
Mark R. Laaser, author of The Secret Sin (Zondervan), is a lecturer, workshop leader, and seminar leader. Mark is a counselor and program consultant for several recovery centers. A former pastor who has struggled with issues of sexual addiction, he offers a message of hope and reconciliation to others with similar issues.

Eldridge (Eli) Machen is a licensed clinical social worker in Florida, and a certified social worker in North Carolina. Eli leads intensive workshops, conferences, training seminars, and provides program consulting. He lives in Black Mountain, North Carolina with his wife and son.

Whether your behaviors are endangering your relationships, reputation, and sanity, or you have simply reached the point of wanting to end your addiction to false intimacy and sexuality, we encourage you to contact us and join our fellowship. We also welcome inquires from churches and pastors about sponsoring or hosting a group.

You may contact this group's leaders at faithfulandtrue@calvarynow.com or you may contact the Calvary's Men's Ministry office at 336.714.5422.

 

The Calvary's Men's Ministry has compiled a list of local and national resources that address the issues of sexual purity and sexual additions. From books and counseling to national organizations and internet accountability, these resources will help you in your commitment to "live in freedom everyday." Click here for a list of suggested resources.

Ours is a fellowship of Christian men who have a sincere desire to abstain from sinful sexual and relational behavior and to present our lives holy and pure before God. Each of us has been trapped in the vicious cycle of sexual addiction. Ours has been a life of sexual or relational fantasy, ritual, sin and despair. We have felt unable to control our choices. We identify with the words of Paul in Romans 7:19:

 "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. What a wretched man I am!"

We recognized that our sin was growing worse over time. We had been addicted to the high that comes from our lust, our sexual activity or our unholy relationships. We were unable to stop despite the consequences. Many of us often promised, "This is the last time I will act out" ... but it was not. Driven by shame and shackled by our addition, we saw no way of escape.

Ours has been a history of broken promises, violated vows, wounded families, lost jobs, physical pain, financial chaos, spiritual bankruptcy, and even potential death. All the while, what we truly sought was love and nurture. We became angry when we felt unloved, and we throbbed with unmet needs. We even became angry with God because He didn't take away our temptations, our pain or our problems. We substituted sex or an unholy relationship for love, thinking that the height of these pleasures would erase our true need for communion with God, a relationship with Christ and genuine connection with healthy others.

That is the road we have walked, but it is not the journey we were created to pursue. If your heart resonates with our stories, do not be discouraged. You are not alone. Those of us who have chosen to become honest about our realities while surrendering them to God have now come to experience healing through the power of the Holy Spirit. Many of us tried to recover through our own self efforts, and we even tried to manipulate God's healing through constant prayer, Bible studies, and church attendance. But now we are finding that God is willing to heal us if only we will submit to His will by remaining humble and accountable before others.

Because Faithful & True fellowships are Christ-centered, we encourage each group member to have a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Our fellowship is, however, open to any male regardless of religious or personal differences. If you sincerely and humbly desire what we have come to experience, then we invite you to join us in the fellowship of L.I.F.E. -- those of us who are living in freedom everyday -- with the help of our all-loving and all-powerful God through His Son Jesus Christ.

Simply stated, sexual addiction is the lack of control over some sexual behavior or relationship. Perhaps the most helpful definition is a practical one: sexual addiction is sexual behavior that has a negative affect on one’s life. Sexual addiction often follows the following cycle (from Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes):
Preoccupation: the focus or mood when the addict’s mind is completely engrossed with thoughts of sex
Ritualization: the addict’s routines or rituals that lead up to the sexual behavior
Compulsive Behavior: the sexual activity that the addict is unable to control
Despair: the feeling of utter hopelessness the addict has regarding their behavior and powerlessness

Sexual addiction can also be described in the following ways. It is ...
Repetitive: the addictive behaviors may repeat every day or come in a binge pattern, but they continue to repeat over time 
Degenerative: the addiction intensifies over in time, either the frequency or intensity of the behavior
Unmanageable: the addict is powerless to stop the cycle even if he wants to
Medicative: the addictive behaviors change his feelings, alter his mood, or create a high
Destructive: the addiction begins to destroy his relationships, work, finances, health and life

Finally, certain false core beliefs characterize the sexual addict:

1. Sex is the same as love and it is my most important need.
2. I am a bad and worthless person.
3. No one loves me as I am.
4. No one will take care of me but me.

Every person is an individual and many may not fit perfectly this "text book" description of sexual addition. But if any of these common characteristics are true for you, or if you found yourself feeling uncomfortable as you read this description of sexual addition, then we encourage you to find another man that you can share this with. Men from the Faithful & True leadership team can be reached at faithfulandtrue@calvarynow.com.

The following questions are not a clinical evaluation of a person's sexual behavior. They do, however, invite you to stop and think about some of the behaviors you may have been involved in. The more Yes answers you have to the questions below, the more likely it is that you have a sexual addiction.

* Do you frequently fantasize or think about sex?
* Have you made promises to change or stop a sexual behavior, and then broken those promises?
* Does your sexual desire cause you to associate with people you wouldn’t normally be with or to do things you wouldn’t usually do?

* Do you visit internet sex sites?
* Do you engage in sexual chat on the internet?
* Are you attracted to phone sex?
* Do you frequently masturbation?
* Do you have a collection of pornography?
* Have you gotten rid of a pornography collection and then started collecting it again?
* Do you rent or buy X-rated videos?
* Do you frequent adult bookstores?
* Do you visit topless clubs or sexual massage parlors?
* Is anonymous sex with others something you seek?


* Does your sex partner often complain about the amount or type of sex you desire with them?
* Have you violated your marriage by having sex with others?
* Do you have a secret life that you hide from significant others?
* Does your sexual behavior or fantasies ever make you feel hopeless or depressed?


* Are you especially excited by sexual behavior that includes a risk of being caught?
* Do you try to get forbidden looks at people that give you sexual excitement?
* Do you sexually touch people in a way that makes it seem accidental?
* Do you engage in sexual activity with children?
* Have you been, or could you be, arrested because of some of your sexual behavior?
* Have you been told (or thought to yourself) that your sexual behavior is excessive, inappropriate, or out of control?

If your answers to these questions causes you to acknowledge that you may have a sexual addiction, or even a tendency towards sexually inappropriate behavior, then we would encourage you to speak with someone regarding your behaviors. One option would be for you to speak with a professional counselor at a Christian counseling center like Associates in Christian Counseling. Another option would be to contact the Faithful & True groups leaders at faithfulandtrue@calvarynow.com.